Dead Ringers
by Ranguvar27
Summary: Barnabas Collins is introduced to a strange and fascinating device-the telephone.


Dead Ringers

Barnabas Collins yawned, stretched, and threw back the lid of his coffin in one fluid movement. He climbed out; stretching his limbs with a grimace, then noticed that the room seemed rather quiet. He blinked, trying to figure out what was going on, and realized that he hadn't heard Josette playfully mocking him for "sleeping in." Well, it wasn't his fault that he was an old vampire. Let her reach her two hundred and fortieth year and she wouldn't be so nimble either. Besides, he thought, nothing wrong with a good lie-in.

"Josette? Love, are you here?" He looked around the room they slept in, the dark reduced to mere dim light thanks to his vampiric vision. "Josette?" He paused, then called out her former name. "Victoria?" No answer, and Barnabas frowned in worry. He was about to go ask Elizabeth or David if they had seen his lover, when he caught sight of a folded piece of paper on the coffin-side table.

_**Barnabas: **_

_**Don't worry if you wake up and I'm not here. I've walked into town to see the lights (it's nearly Christmas, and Collinsport looks beautiful.) and to do some shopping. I'll call you when I'm done. **_

_**Love, **_

_**Josette. **_

Barnabas folded the letter back up, a dark frown on his face. What exactly had Josette meant when she said she would 'call him'? He dearly hoped his beloved wasn't getting mixed up with the Black Arts! No, she would never do something like that. Not after that thrice cursed she-devil Angelique had caused her so much grief and pain.

'Perhaps Elizabeth will know.'

Liz was in her study reading when she heard a knock at the door. "Come in." She smiled at her visitor. "Barnabas." Her smile turned to a concerned look. "Is something wrong?"

"My Josette left me a strangely worded letter. Read it for yourself." He thrust the paper into her hands and Liz scanned it.

"What's so strange about it? She's able to blend in better than you, after all."

Barnabas sighed. "Did you not see the line about 'calling me?' If my love has been dabbling in things best left alone, I think I should know about it!"

Liz blinked, then burst into laughter. "Barnabas, she meant she'd call you on our phone! There's nothing to…." Liz trailed off at the blank look of incomprehension on the vampire's face. "And you have no idea what I'm talking about." She sighed, glad that at least one bloodsucker around here was from a more modern era. She returned her attention to the stack of invoices. "The phone is in the living room. Why don't you go there and wait for it to ring?"

Barnabas growled, and Liz glared at him, her gaze steady. He huffed out a "As you wish, Elizabeth," and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Barnabas sat on the couch in the living room, glancing around for the object Elizabeth had mentioned-she had called it a phone, but what on earth was that? It sounded ominous, whatever it was.

His thoughts were interrupted by a horrid jangling sound. He jumped, hissing in shock, and looked wildly around. The cacophony was coming from a strangely shaped black object perched on the nearby table. He stared at it, hands over his ears as the jangling went on and on.

"You have to pick it up."

Barnabas turned to regard Carolyn, who gave him a small smile. "The phone. You have to pick it up." She laughed as he followed her instructions, picking up the entire set, and came over, removing the phone from its cradle and handing it to him. "Here."

Barnabas gingerly took the phone between his thumb and index finger, and his eyes widened when he heard a tinny voice. "Barnabas?" Nervously, he brought the phone up to his ear.

"Hello? Josette?"

"_Well, who else would it be?"_ Josette laughed, the sound seeming very far away.

Carolyn rolled her eyes, took the phone from Barnabas and turned it right side up. "You should be able to hear her better."

Barnabas took back the phone, keeping it about two inches away from his ear. He didn't quite trust this strange item. "Josette? Hello?" He relaxed at Josette's giggle. "Do you need me to send Willie to fetch you?"

"_No, that won't be necessary. It's such a beautiful night, I can walk. I'll see you in a bit, my love." _She hung up, and Barnabas winced at the monotonous beep-beep-beep of the dial tone. Once again, Carolyn took pity on him, placing the phone back in its cradle. He stared at it for a moment before speaking.

"So that is a telephone. Fascinating device. I must learn more about it."

Carolyn grinned. "Barnabas, you're a real dead ringer."

Barnabas barely resisted the urge to groan.


End file.
